Good-bye's are just so damn hard

My pretty girl at my Dad's farm. Look at that gorgeous Boxer stance :)

I've been a bit MIA in blogland lately.  It's been a rough two weeks that culminated in a very hard good-bye on Wednesday afternoon.  My sweet Sienna girl has gone to be with the Lord.

I know pets have different meaning to different people but to me Sienna was my first "child" and it is so hard to accept that she is gone.  Two weeks ago we had a normal healthy dog, at least we thought.

We went for a visit to my Dad and Stepmother's farm and she tore her ACL while chasing one of their cats.  Given her age (10yrs which is pretty old for her breed), it just couldn't take the activity I guess.  We took her to the vet where they confirmed the diagnosis.  Surgery would be $2500, it was out of the question for us financially.  We were advised that there was a good chance that the same thing would happen to her other leg now that it had to bear all her weight.  Bad news certainly but Sienna didn't seem to mind using only 3 legs too much. Even though my heart ached for her to not be able to run or climb steps I thought we had some more time.  I was prepared to baby her for some time yet :)

Then the next weekend we went on a camping trip but she was not eating (was drinking though) and started to throw up a few times.  This was not necessarily out of the ordinary for her.  She often does not eat or drink normally when we are on a trip but will seriously wolf down once we get home.  She still would not eat when we got home and the vomiting was getting a little worse.  We went to the vet for an injection to help stop the vomiting.  By the time we got there, she would not even move much, she was totally wiped out.  Thankfully the vet tech that was going to give her the injection recognized that she was worse off than they thought and called the vet in to look at her.  

They immediately put her on an IV for fluids and gave her the injection.

The vet said if it was just a dehydration issue, we could expect to see an improvement by the morning but she still may not want to eat for a day or so.  He did caution us that given her breed is extremely susceptible to all sorts of diseases, we could be looking at a much more serious issue.  We did not have a good feeling about it but just prayed for a miracle.  

The next morning I went to take her out and she could barely move and was very wobbly.  Needless to say this was definitely not an improvement.  We decided to give it a few more hours and then call the vet.  Things got progressively worse and we knew it was time to end her suffering.  She was essentially beyond help, to find out what was wrong would require more tests to be done and too much time she didn't have.  I made the appointment so I could take her after work.  It was really important for me to be there with her to the end.  Not long after, Hubsy called with a new development and was afraid she would not make it that long.  If I wanted to be with her, I needed to get home.   It was so very hard to see her suffering like that.  I was blessed to get the appointment moved up several hours and I was indeed with her to her last breath.

I'm having a pretty tough time with the loss.  

Like I said she was our first child, the first thing that made Hubsy and I start to feel like a family.   She was rescued by the Humane Society in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Laurinburg NC and became our baby in the summer of 2002.  She has seen me through two pregnancies, never leaving my side during those hard months of morning sickness.  She always just "knew" when I needed her.  For me, Sienna was like a physical manifestation of God's loving presence.  She was always there, a peaceful presence amongst the craziness of life, ready to give complete and undying affection.  The loss of that presence has left me heartbroken.

She had a good life.

 And a long one.

 And was very happy and healthy up until the last week or so which I am extremely grateful for.  

She was a gentle playmate to my boys and an irreplaceable joy to Hubsy and me.

She will always have my heart and I can't wait to see her running to greet me in heaven....

smile on her face, tongue hanging out, and ears flapping in the wind.  

Goodbye sweet Sienna girl..

*I needed to write this as part of my own grieving process.  

Thank you for listening.  I'll be back to more uplifting posts soon I promise.